FINALLY...Some news!!!
On Canada Day, we celebrated at a local park where there were lots of activities for the kids. I have an adoption radar like you wouldn't believe...sometimes I scare myself. I saw this little boy run past me and he was just so darn cute. My radar went off. I turned around to see his parents, and sure enough it was a mom I had met at a playgroup I attended for a short while for adoptive families. Both her boys are adopted from China and both have cleft lip/palate.
She was surprised that we hadn't heard anything yet but maybe the "closure" had something to do with it. Closure? Huh? What? I don't usually bug our agency or resource person, but I had to send off an email to find out what was going on. So I sent off an email yesterday afternoon and sure enough last night I received a reply. We have a log-in-date (LID) of April 09, 13.
China is soooo different from what we've experienced with the Philippines and Vietnam that I'm not 100% sure what this means for us. All I care is this is one step further. Everyone waits for that LID and we finally have one. I know through the "non special needs" program, families are matched according to the LID. In other words matches are made in chronological order. All I know is that apparently we just need to wait for a child on a list that matches the SN we are willing to accept and because we are one of the few families that are willing to accept a boy, a proposal should be made rather quickly once a child is found whom matches our "criteria" (has the SN we are willing to accept).
This probably sounds like a whole lot of nothing. But as I said...1 step closer. We are still depending on the Lord to continue to open the doors or to shut them closed. This is definitely taking longer than I had thought, but it is all about God's timing and not my own. It will work out so well if mom and I travel in the fall. Nathaniel will be in school and a good friend of mine (who Fredrick knows) has offered to help out with Fredrick 3 days a week if need be. It will also work out well for mom. Keeping focus on the positive!
So glad I can finally write an update! :-)
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
You're Something Special.
When I was a kid I can clearly remember listening to the song, "You're Something Special", on a vinyl record. I clearly remember LOVING it! I didn't remember all the words but the tune and the title were always very special.
When I was "expecting" Nathaniel, my mom found a copy of the book and record online and had someone copy the record to cd. Not long after Nathaniel arrived home, we sat and listened to the song over and over again. As we followed along in the book, I realized the words are so fitting for Nathaniel and now Fredrick. I'm sure the "story" is based on a biological family, but really it speaks volumes to me as an adoptive mom and the perfect way to express how special my boys are. It is so important for kids, biological, fostered or adopted, to know that they truly are special, that God created them and He has a plan for their life.
You can listen to the song and follow along with the words...Hope you and your children might be blessed by this song!
YOU'RE SOMETHING SPECIAL - by Bill and Gloria Gaither:
When Jesus sent you to us,
We loved you from the start,
You were just a bit of sunshine
from heaven to our hearts
Not just another baby -
'Cause since the world
began there's been something
very special
for you in His plan.
That's why
He made you special
You're the only one of your kind;
God gave you a body
And a bright healthy mind.
He had a special purpose
that He wanted you to find,
so He made you something special
You're the only one of your kind.
I have a little sister
who's not at all like me,
She can write a
lovely poem
but I can climb a tree;
My brother, tho' he's diff'rent,
with freckles on his nose;
When my questions needed answers,
He's the one who knows.
That's why
I'm something special
I'm the only one of my kind;
God gave me a body and
a bright healthy mind.
He had a special purpose
that He wanted me to find,
so He made me something special
I'm the only one of my kind,
My daddy mows the back yard,
My mommy makes the bed,
My brother cleans the playroom,
I see our dog gets fed;
And each one needs the other
to help him thro`the day
And love must be the reason God
planned it just that way.
That's why
I'm something special
I'm the only one of my kind;
God gave you a body and
a bright healthy mind.
He had a special purpose
that He wanted me to find,
so He made me something special
I'm the only one of my kind,
He made you something special,
He made me something special,
He made you somethings special,
You`re the only one of your kind.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Dear Ellie
**Note: So as not to get your heart leaping with joy that we received a proposal...this is just a post about what has happened this past week.**
The past 2 days have been extrememly emotional for me. Normally we wait to hear from our agency about a possible proposal. And I (we) have been waiting quite patiently...
While we wait I do A LOT of searching. I love kids and I love to see their beautiful faces. So I search for children in China waiting for families. Usually I go straight to the list of boys waiting since that is where my heart is. So many boys, yet so few families who want to parent a boy...that I will NEVER understand!
On Monday I received an email from one of the groups I'm a member of and there was a list of children. The very first child on the page was a young girl whom they have named, Ellie. Ellie is the sweetest looking little girl. I was drawn to her. I wanted to know more about her. I usually look and move on but something inside me said find out more. I contacted our resource person to find out if there was ANY possibility about getting Ellie's file. Within 1/2 hr I was reading all about Ellie. She is exactly 1 month OLDER than Fredrick. I am pretty good about reading medical files. I'm no Dr, but I have worked in a microbiology lab which has given me a good backgroud in reading results and with the WWW you can easily find more information, if need be. I have also read through Nathaniel and Fredrick's files so I have a good idea of what everything means and what to look for. As far as her physical and blood results went I saw nothing that raised any flags. Little Ellie had had an infection in her eye and her eye never fully opened like the other, so there was an uneveness. No problem. They also mentioned something about her ear which I didn't quite understand. Ellie had also been born with cleft lip/palette. Her lip had been repaired but not her palette. This was also a non issue since this is what we have signed up for.
I contacted a clinic in Montreal and I sent off Ellie's file to have it examined by the Dr. When she called me later that evening she didn't raise any flags that concerned me. Of course the Dr. mentioned that she had started walking late. Yeah, so? She's walking fine now and meeting all of her milestones. She isn't talking, but again she has a big hole in her palette so this can be expected! Fredrick is healthy and he still isn't talking up a storm. These issues do not scare me. I'm more of a let the child reach their milestones when they are good and ready, unless of course there are other issues that would raise concerns. My issue was about her ear. What was the malformation all about? I read the file over and over after hanging up with the Dr and finally something stood out about her ear that I had missed and obviously the Dr had overlooked. From what I've researched, the bump that she has is a type of cancer. It may be nothing, but what if it is something very serious and it spreads?
I was also informed that we'd have to have our home study updated to state that we would be approved for a child 0-3 whereas right now we are approved for a child 0-2, insuring the child would be younger than Fredrick.
These 2 things just didn't sit well with me. It has been agonizing wondering what we should do. If we say NO are we being cowards and missing out on an amazing little girl? If we say YES are doing it for our own benefit and not according to God's plan?
I asked a whole bunch of people to pray for our family and especially Ellie. I was struggling with why this little girl had been brought to my attention and why I was so drawn to her. But several people responded that if Ellie wasn't meant to be ours maybe she was brought into our path because she needed people praying for her. That gave me some peace.
As of this morning we still hadn't given our decision to our agency. I knew we had to make a decision and when I thought about it, I felt peace saying no. I spoke with Jon and he agreed with me. I have since imformed our agency that we will not pursue this file.
I gotta tell ya though, that little Ellie is such a precious little girl and she deserves every single prayer that has been said for her these past 2 days. She will forever be in my heart.
Dear Ellie,
You are precious. You were made in God's image and you DESERVE a family! You deserve a mommy and daddy who can care for ALL your needs, who are prepared to meet you where you need to be met. Your smile makes me smile. Seeing you with your little pig-tails playing with your "roommates" makes me so happy. I am so thankful that you have friends to play with. You are one special little girl and I may not be your mommy but I AM praying for you and you have a VERY special place in my heart.
The past 2 days have been extrememly emotional for me. Normally we wait to hear from our agency about a possible proposal. And I (we) have been waiting quite patiently...
While we wait I do A LOT of searching. I love kids and I love to see their beautiful faces. So I search for children in China waiting for families. Usually I go straight to the list of boys waiting since that is where my heart is. So many boys, yet so few families who want to parent a boy...that I will NEVER understand!
On Monday I received an email from one of the groups I'm a member of and there was a list of children. The very first child on the page was a young girl whom they have named, Ellie. Ellie is the sweetest looking little girl. I was drawn to her. I wanted to know more about her. I usually look and move on but something inside me said find out more. I contacted our resource person to find out if there was ANY possibility about getting Ellie's file. Within 1/2 hr I was reading all about Ellie. She is exactly 1 month OLDER than Fredrick. I am pretty good about reading medical files. I'm no Dr, but I have worked in a microbiology lab which has given me a good backgroud in reading results and with the WWW you can easily find more information, if need be. I have also read through Nathaniel and Fredrick's files so I have a good idea of what everything means and what to look for. As far as her physical and blood results went I saw nothing that raised any flags. Little Ellie had had an infection in her eye and her eye never fully opened like the other, so there was an uneveness. No problem. They also mentioned something about her ear which I didn't quite understand. Ellie had also been born with cleft lip/palette. Her lip had been repaired but not her palette. This was also a non issue since this is what we have signed up for.
I contacted a clinic in Montreal and I sent off Ellie's file to have it examined by the Dr. When she called me later that evening she didn't raise any flags that concerned me. Of course the Dr. mentioned that she had started walking late. Yeah, so? She's walking fine now and meeting all of her milestones. She isn't talking, but again she has a big hole in her palette so this can be expected! Fredrick is healthy and he still isn't talking up a storm. These issues do not scare me. I'm more of a let the child reach their milestones when they are good and ready, unless of course there are other issues that would raise concerns. My issue was about her ear. What was the malformation all about? I read the file over and over after hanging up with the Dr and finally something stood out about her ear that I had missed and obviously the Dr had overlooked. From what I've researched, the bump that she has is a type of cancer. It may be nothing, but what if it is something very serious and it spreads?
I was also informed that we'd have to have our home study updated to state that we would be approved for a child 0-3 whereas right now we are approved for a child 0-2, insuring the child would be younger than Fredrick.
These 2 things just didn't sit well with me. It has been agonizing wondering what we should do. If we say NO are we being cowards and missing out on an amazing little girl? If we say YES are doing it for our own benefit and not according to God's plan?
I asked a whole bunch of people to pray for our family and especially Ellie. I was struggling with why this little girl had been brought to my attention and why I was so drawn to her. But several people responded that if Ellie wasn't meant to be ours maybe she was brought into our path because she needed people praying for her. That gave me some peace.
As of this morning we still hadn't given our decision to our agency. I knew we had to make a decision and when I thought about it, I felt peace saying no. I spoke with Jon and he agreed with me. I have since imformed our agency that we will not pursue this file.
I gotta tell ya though, that little Ellie is such a precious little girl and she deserves every single prayer that has been said for her these past 2 days. She will forever be in my heart.
Dear Ellie,
You are precious. You were made in God's image and you DESERVE a family! You deserve a mommy and daddy who can care for ALL your needs, who are prepared to meet you where you need to be met. Your smile makes me smile. Seeing you with your little pig-tails playing with your "roommates" makes me so happy. I am so thankful that you have friends to play with. You are one special little girl and I may not be your mommy but I AM praying for you and you have a VERY special place in my heart.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Not The Norm!
Unfortunately this post does not include an update. Why? Because I don't have one! Still waiting. Contrary to my post title...waiting is in fact the norm!
Before I begin putting my thoughts out there, I want to make sure that my friends and family who have given birth to very beautiful baby boys and girls, this is in no way to insult or offend you. I love you all and your children. These are thoughts and feelings that come from someone who has dealt with being childless, despite my desire to have children, and from someone who has been priviledged to adopt two of the most awesome boys on this earth.
Just recently my family was overlooked. We were overlooked because we are not the norm. When someone announces they are pregnant, that baby is real and in 9 months everyone will get to meet that baby. With our family, it's all paperwork, A LOT of waiting, and eventually, who-knows-when, our child becomes real. Until then we are often overlooked. I get it. I will admit, at that moment, it stung. And then I reminded myself, not everyone gets as excited about adoption as I do, and I just have to face it, we are not the norm. If you know anything about me you realize I have never been one to do something because everyone else is doing it. Sure this might mean I miss out on some fun times, but it has also saved me from becoming someone I don't want to be; I don't want to be like everyone else.
There was a time I cried - A LOT! Every time someone announced they were pregnant I curled up in bed and cried. The only person who could truly feel my pain and who truly cared, was my mom. (Of course Jon hurt too, but women are designed so differently emotionally). I remember a time when someone announced they were pregnant, my mom was with me. We were suppose to go out together but I told her I suddenly felt tired and had a migraine. She knew I didn't. She knew I just wanted to go be in the privacy of my home and cry. Tears still come as I write this. Not because I am still sad, but because I remember the pain I felt each time there was a pregnancy announcement and the emptiness I felt.
Let me be clear. I wasn't mourning the loss of giving birth. I was mourning the loss of being a mom. For me personally it has never been about experiencing pregnancy, experiencing giving birth, breastfeeding and the whole newborn baby thing. You see the Lord prepared me for adoption many, many, many years ago. I can still remember being 16 talking about marriage and kids with two of my closest friends and I remember clear as day stating that I probably wouldn't be able to have biological kids and I'd probably adopt. Fast forward a few years laters in a humanties class I was in. We had to write a paper on a topic of our choosing that had two very opposing sides. While most students did papers about amusing topics such as, Pepsi versus Coke, I chose to do mine on the pros and cons of transracial adoption. Fast forward many years later and I am now a mom to two boys who come from very different cultures.
While most women get all caught up in the pregnancy stories and birth stories (which by the way I'm right in the middle of because any talk about babies/kids makes me happy), I am constantly on the look out for other adoptive families. For instance, at the foot doctor with Nathaniel a couple of weeks ago, I immediately noticed the pictures on the wall. My "adoption" radar was going off loud and clear. I was suddenly excited about this appointment and forgot about the $350 I was about to spend on plastic insoles for Nathaniel's shoes. We were so wrapped up in our stories, I'll be surprised if the casts she made of Nathaniel's feet are remotely accurate! When mom asked me about the appointment all I talked about was the doctor and her kids! "That's nice, but what about Nathaniel's feet?" Oh yeah...right!
At times I can feel out of place because I can't share birth stories. I was once asked how many hours of labour I was in for Nathaniel...(well...from Montreal to Vancouver to the Philippines)...it was a good 24+ hours! HA HA! Yes it can be awkward, but again I'm happy not being the norm.
While many moms are searching the blog world for blogs about newborn babies, breastfeeding versus bottle feeding etc... My list of blogs is full of adoptive families from all over Canada and the U.S. who have adopted children from all countries. These blogs excite me. I love to see how the Lord has brought these children home to wonderful families. In fact, if we go for it, our next son (Lord willing) will be named thanx to a blog I now follow!
I love my family. I love the cultures we represent. I love that there doesn't have to be any biological connection to call these boys my sons and I, their mama. I love that we are not the norm. But please don't overlook us...we are very much "pregnant" and very much expecting another child. It may take longer than 9 months and it may end in a miscarriage, but to us there is a child waiting to be "born" into our family and we can not wait to hold him/her in our arms.
Before I begin putting my thoughts out there, I want to make sure that my friends and family who have given birth to very beautiful baby boys and girls, this is in no way to insult or offend you. I love you all and your children. These are thoughts and feelings that come from someone who has dealt with being childless, despite my desire to have children, and from someone who has been priviledged to adopt two of the most awesome boys on this earth.
Just recently my family was overlooked. We were overlooked because we are not the norm. When someone announces they are pregnant, that baby is real and in 9 months everyone will get to meet that baby. With our family, it's all paperwork, A LOT of waiting, and eventually, who-knows-when, our child becomes real. Until then we are often overlooked. I get it. I will admit, at that moment, it stung. And then I reminded myself, not everyone gets as excited about adoption as I do, and I just have to face it, we are not the norm. If you know anything about me you realize I have never been one to do something because everyone else is doing it. Sure this might mean I miss out on some fun times, but it has also saved me from becoming someone I don't want to be; I don't want to be like everyone else.
There was a time I cried - A LOT! Every time someone announced they were pregnant I curled up in bed and cried. The only person who could truly feel my pain and who truly cared, was my mom. (Of course Jon hurt too, but women are designed so differently emotionally). I remember a time when someone announced they were pregnant, my mom was with me. We were suppose to go out together but I told her I suddenly felt tired and had a migraine. She knew I didn't. She knew I just wanted to go be in the privacy of my home and cry. Tears still come as I write this. Not because I am still sad, but because I remember the pain I felt each time there was a pregnancy announcement and the emptiness I felt.
Let me be clear. I wasn't mourning the loss of giving birth. I was mourning the loss of being a mom. For me personally it has never been about experiencing pregnancy, experiencing giving birth, breastfeeding and the whole newborn baby thing. You see the Lord prepared me for adoption many, many, many years ago. I can still remember being 16 talking about marriage and kids with two of my closest friends and I remember clear as day stating that I probably wouldn't be able to have biological kids and I'd probably adopt. Fast forward a few years laters in a humanties class I was in. We had to write a paper on a topic of our choosing that had two very opposing sides. While most students did papers about amusing topics such as, Pepsi versus Coke, I chose to do mine on the pros and cons of transracial adoption. Fast forward many years later and I am now a mom to two boys who come from very different cultures.
While most women get all caught up in the pregnancy stories and birth stories (which by the way I'm right in the middle of because any talk about babies/kids makes me happy), I am constantly on the look out for other adoptive families. For instance, at the foot doctor with Nathaniel a couple of weeks ago, I immediately noticed the pictures on the wall. My "adoption" radar was going off loud and clear. I was suddenly excited about this appointment and forgot about the $350 I was about to spend on plastic insoles for Nathaniel's shoes. We were so wrapped up in our stories, I'll be surprised if the casts she made of Nathaniel's feet are remotely accurate! When mom asked me about the appointment all I talked about was the doctor and her kids! "That's nice, but what about Nathaniel's feet?" Oh yeah...right!
At times I can feel out of place because I can't share birth stories. I was once asked how many hours of labour I was in for Nathaniel...(well...from Montreal to Vancouver to the Philippines)...it was a good 24+ hours! HA HA! Yes it can be awkward, but again I'm happy not being the norm.
While many moms are searching the blog world for blogs about newborn babies, breastfeeding versus bottle feeding etc... My list of blogs is full of adoptive families from all over Canada and the U.S. who have adopted children from all countries. These blogs excite me. I love to see how the Lord has brought these children home to wonderful families. In fact, if we go for it, our next son (Lord willing) will be named thanx to a blog I now follow!
I love my family. I love the cultures we represent. I love that there doesn't have to be any biological connection to call these boys my sons and I, their mama. I love that we are not the norm. But please don't overlook us...we are very much "pregnant" and very much expecting another child. It may take longer than 9 months and it may end in a miscarriage, but to us there is a child waiting to be "born" into our family and we can not wait to hold him/her in our arms.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Connectedness
On our drive home from Plattsburg last Saturday, my mom and I were discussing adoption and how some children do not connect to their parents right away and on the flip side that some parents don't connect to their new son/daughter right away.
As moms and dads we fall in love with the pictures we receive of this child we have been longing for. And we have this dream about how amazing it is going to be to finally hold this child. Unfortunately, sometimes that wonderful dream turns into a nightmare as the moms and dads have a difficult time loving, attaching and bonding to this child. Or sometimes it takes a long time for the child to love, attach and bond to their parents. Both situations are terribly upsetting for those involved. I loved both my boys long before I received their pictures -- my love began to develop the moment we started each process. I shed many a tears, not only because the waiting was excruciating, but because my heart hurt from the amount of love that was stored up and sometimes my heart felt like it was going to explode if I didn't let it loose soon! I can't imagine what it would be like not to have a connection with my child, because in both my cases, I was in love from the time I received their picture and even after I held them in my arms for the first time.
Fredrick on the other hand...totally different story. During my conversation with mom last Saturday, she said one simple sentence that made me want to break out in tears; "the moment Fredrick laid eyes on you, he was connected to you!" I don't have any words to describe that connection, but I do have a picture that says it all...
As moms and dads we fall in love with the pictures we receive of this child we have been longing for. And we have this dream about how amazing it is going to be to finally hold this child. Unfortunately, sometimes that wonderful dream turns into a nightmare as the moms and dads have a difficult time loving, attaching and bonding to this child. Or sometimes it takes a long time for the child to love, attach and bond to their parents. Both situations are terribly upsetting for those involved. I loved both my boys long before I received their pictures -- my love began to develop the moment we started each process. I shed many a tears, not only because the waiting was excruciating, but because my heart hurt from the amount of love that was stored up and sometimes my heart felt like it was going to explode if I didn't let it loose soon! I can't imagine what it would be like not to have a connection with my child, because in both my cases, I was in love from the time I received their picture and even after I held them in my arms for the first time.
I did however experience the child not attaching/bonding to the parent right away. Nathaniel wanted nothing to do with me; he only wanted daddy. While in the Philippines, Jon and my mom would leave the hotel room for long periods of time in hopes that he would connect with me. And Jon would try to do every thing he could to get Nathaniel to want to stay with me. Nathaniel was even happier with my mom than with me. I kept reminding mom and Jon that I was ok with him not wanting me right now. I was willing to wait it out on his terms. These were Nathaniel's emotions and he had to sort them out without us pushing him.
Even back home, he did not like me! Going places without Jon was very stressful because he did not want to be with me. Our first Sunday at church, he wanted to sit with my mom. I will admit that that was hard. I think, but I don't recall, I shed a few tears about Nathaniel not liking me! A couple of months later I spent a Saturday night away from home, and when I returned home Sunday, Nathaniel was a-n-g-r-y with me! He wouldn't look at me, he screamed if I went near him etc... It was not a pretty scene. I do recall, without a doubt, that I cried about this and feeling like I had made the biggest mistake of my life being away overnight. Or did I? That Monday, Nathaniel and mommy finally clicked. The rest is history. I don't know what changed inside him, but I will always remember that Monday; the day Nathaniel and I started our mother/son relationship and it has only gotten stronger and stronger.
Fredrick on the other hand...totally different story. During my conversation with mom last Saturday, she said one simple sentence that made me want to break out in tears; "the moment Fredrick laid eyes on you, he was connected to you!" I don't have any words to describe that connection, but I do have a picture that says it all...
Both stories very different. I am so thankful that both have happy endings! Nathaniel and I have a bond that I will cherish forever. We have so much fun together and we can butt heads just as easily! We love to read books together and jump in the pool on a hot summers day. And even though it can be exhausting, I secretely LOVE that he always wants me to drive him to piano lessons and always wants mommy to put him to bed! Fredrick is mommy's baby and could spend all day just hanging out in my arms! I imagine Fredrick and I will eventually bond over computers and technology. In a few years I'll be turning to Fredrick to help me with all my computer problems and questions!
Now this brings me to adoption #3 (Lord willing). This child may or may not connect so easily as Fredrick. Hey, maybe I won't connect so easily either. This child may come home and need several surgeries right away. This could definitely determine if this child will feel the desire to attach/bond to Jon and I. This child might not really like us for having put him/her through painful surgeries. I may not respond to this child's special need the way they need me to and this may affect their feelings towards me! I just don't know. It is a fear for me that I don't attach to one of my children right away. I have read several blogs where this is the case and it just seems undoubtedly very painful. Guess I better start praying about this!!!
Connecting to someone is a tricky thing! I have read many emails from moms who have finally met their child and their child wants nothing to do with them and the moms are so distraught. If you are reading this and are experiencing that or are afraid that that will happen, please know you just have to give the child time. Time to figure out their feelings and their thoughts on this new situation they have found themselves in. Don't push the child, don't have great expectations, and don't make the child feel like they are doing something wrong. Be patient. Just let the child know you are there for them and just continue providing for their needs. That connection you've dreamed of may take some time, but when that connection happens, you'll realize it was well worth the wait!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
T*M*I
T*M*I = Too Much Information
That is exactly what I got last week. Unfortunately it's my own fault as I go searching for this information and then I regret it afterwards.
It all started with a post on an adoption Yahoo Group I'm a member of. This group is specifically for adoptive families who have or are considering adopting a child from China with cleft lip/palate. A desperate mom wrote in looking for advice concerning her son who was "driving her up the wall" . He is a "cleft" adoptee. Suddenly there was a string of replies describing each of their "cleft" children who demonstrated these same behaviors and then the words ADHD / ADD / AUTISM started to be thrown around. Another similarity with each post was that most of the children were boys! This is when a little, just a little, panic started to set in. Is it fact that most boys born in China with cleft lip/palate demonstrate symptoms of ADHD / ADD / Autism? I immediately started researching if there is any truth to this.
The faith part of me tells me that we will be blessed by ANY child the Lord has chosen for our family (if He even wants us to have another child). The scared part of me says I'm unprepared to handle a child with ADHD / ADD / Autism. I have 2 other boys to think about. The prideful me says I'm strong and can handle anything. The not so prideful me says NO you aren't strong enough. The politically correct me says if I were to give birth to a child with any disorder or illness, I would love them, care for them and do every thing in my power for them, right?
If you know me well, and we've had discussions about parenting, you know that I refuse to "label" children. Especially adopted children. I don't believe in the charts that say "by 2 years old my child should be doing this..." Internationally adopted children have "catching up" to do and I'm pretty sensitive about that. So after all those strings of negative posts, finally a mother wrote in and pretty much described how I feel. These children are usually brought up in orphanages (or in other words an institution) which creates children who have been institutionalized. They don't feel the same, they don't think the same as children who have been brought up in a loving family. Nathaniel was in a very loving orphanage, and even though this is still not the best environment for any child, he never showed any signs of being institutionalized. He was very stimulated, had lots of play time, his needs were met and he enjoyed many outings. Fredrick was too young to have had any affects of institutionalism but if he had been left there longer I could see that he might have had issues. I don't know what the orphanages are like in China. I do know that children with physical "defects" are considered bad luck and are shunned by society. These children probably don't get out much. So these children come home under stimulated, under loved. It will take time for these children to catch up. Suddenly there was a new twist on the original post. The child's behavior probably had nothing to do him being a cleft adoptee, but rather a child who spent the first 1.5 years of his life in an institution. I'm not saying this makes it any easier knowing this, but it makes me hopeful that if our son/daughter portray these negative behaviors that the mom wrote about they can be overcome with the proper attention and care, without having to medicate or label the child. Does this make it less scary? Absolutely not. Does this mean that the child may not have any of these disorders? Absolutely not. Will we still love the child if they do have these symptoms/disorders? ABSOLUTELY!
Tomorrow (January 03) Jon and I will be heading to our agency to FINALLY hand in our completed file. We will wait to see what happens from here. If you are a believer in prayer, please remember our family and that the Lord would give us the wisdom we need in the coming months. I'm soooo looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!
Tomorrow (January 03) Jon and I will be heading to our agency to FINALLY hand in our completed file. We will wait to see what happens from here. If you are a believer in prayer, please remember our family and that the Lord would give us the wisdom we need in the coming months. I'm soooo looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Update
Well since everyone wants to know, I thought I better give a quick update on our progress.
We had our last meeting with our social worker on November 21. It was just a "formality" as China requires 4 meetings. We were basically there to discuss special needs and parenting a "special needs" child but it ended up being more of a discussing our own personal issues meeting! Oh well, it's always nice to talk about our own quirks every so often especially to someone who actually looks like they are listening!
What I actually took from this last meeting...was...that whenever discussing adoption with professionals and you bring up an issue your adoptive child is having, or something they said, or how they reacted to a certain situation, it's always "possible this is an internal adoptee identity crisis" or "the child's way of mourning the loss they have suffered", yada yada yada. I have a hard time with this because children have their moments where they become particularly needy, clingy and react negatively to situations, whether adopted or biological. I refuse to declare that every time Nathaniel cries for mommy or daddy, or doesn't want to do something or becomes extra clingy that it's because he's dealing with some adoption-related issue. Because I am the person I am, and I like to reach out and learn from other adoptive families, I came home that night deciding to reach out to an adoptive mom who has 2 older adoptees. Her response was very comforting and confirmed how I feel. I can appreciate that the professionals are "extra sensitive" to how adoptees might be internalizing everything and I appreciate that it forces me to do more research which causes me to reach out to other adoptive families. I'm so blessed to have made those relationships and that we are all so willing to discuss our situations.
Anyways...
So we're now waiting for our final home study report. He said it would take approximately 10 days (which we've now passed) but I've learned to be patient...3rd time round I'd hope so. Once we have the final report in hand, I can put our file together and bring it to our agency for them to do "their thing". My goal is to have everything handed in before Jan 01. I haven't exactly started putting our file together because nothing is final until I have that home study in my hands. Once I hand it into our agency I have no idea what happens from there. China is so different than the other countries we have applied to. One step at a time is my motto!
So there it is folks...nothing exciting happening around here. Nathaniel is sick, so we're hanging out at home while everyone else is at church. We may just put up some Christmas decor to help me get into the swing of things. I've been listening to Christmas music, but it's not helping my spirits at all! Growing up Christmas decor / celebrations didn't start until AFTER my birthday (Dec 12), so maybe my mindset is still there! 10 more days and hopefully I'll be in the mood, at least for the sake of the kids!!!
Happy Sunday everyone!
We had our last meeting with our social worker on November 21. It was just a "formality" as China requires 4 meetings. We were basically there to discuss special needs and parenting a "special needs" child but it ended up being more of a discussing our own personal issues meeting! Oh well, it's always nice to talk about our own quirks every so often especially to someone who actually looks like they are listening!
What I actually took from this last meeting...was...that whenever discussing adoption with professionals and you bring up an issue your adoptive child is having, or something they said, or how they reacted to a certain situation, it's always "possible this is an internal adoptee identity crisis" or "the child's way of mourning the loss they have suffered", yada yada yada. I have a hard time with this because children have their moments where they become particularly needy, clingy and react negatively to situations, whether adopted or biological. I refuse to declare that every time Nathaniel cries for mommy or daddy, or doesn't want to do something or becomes extra clingy that it's because he's dealing with some adoption-related issue. Because I am the person I am, and I like to reach out and learn from other adoptive families, I came home that night deciding to reach out to an adoptive mom who has 2 older adoptees. Her response was very comforting and confirmed how I feel. I can appreciate that the professionals are "extra sensitive" to how adoptees might be internalizing everything and I appreciate that it forces me to do more research which causes me to reach out to other adoptive families. I'm so blessed to have made those relationships and that we are all so willing to discuss our situations.
Anyways...
So we're now waiting for our final home study report. He said it would take approximately 10 days (which we've now passed) but I've learned to be patient...3rd time round I'd hope so. Once we have the final report in hand, I can put our file together and bring it to our agency for them to do "their thing". My goal is to have everything handed in before Jan 01. I haven't exactly started putting our file together because nothing is final until I have that home study in my hands. Once I hand it into our agency I have no idea what happens from there. China is so different than the other countries we have applied to. One step at a time is my motto!
So there it is folks...nothing exciting happening around here. Nathaniel is sick, so we're hanging out at home while everyone else is at church. We may just put up some Christmas decor to help me get into the swing of things. I've been listening to Christmas music, but it's not helping my spirits at all! Growing up Christmas decor / celebrations didn't start until AFTER my birthday (Dec 12), so maybe my mindset is still there! 10 more days and hopefully I'll be in the mood, at least for the sake of the kids!!!
Happy Sunday everyone!
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