Unfortunately this post does not include an update. Why? Because I don't have one! Still waiting. Contrary to my post title...waiting is in fact the norm!
Before I begin putting my thoughts out there, I want to make sure that my friends and family who have given birth to very beautiful baby boys and girls, this is in no way to insult or offend you. I love you all and your children. These are thoughts and feelings that come from someone who has dealt with being childless, despite my desire to have children, and from someone who has been priviledged to adopt two of the most awesome boys on this earth.
Just recently my family was overlooked. We were overlooked because we are not the norm. When someone announces they are pregnant, that baby is real and in 9 months everyone will get to meet that baby. With our family, it's all paperwork, A LOT of waiting, and eventually, who-knows-when, our child becomes real. Until then we are often overlooked. I get it. I will admit, at that moment, it stung. And then I reminded myself, not everyone gets as excited about adoption as I do, and I just have to face it, we are not the norm. If you know anything about me you realize I have never been one to do something because everyone else is doing it. Sure this might mean I miss out on some fun times, but it has also saved me from becoming someone I don't want to be; I don't want to be like everyone else.
There was a time I cried - A LOT! Every time someone announced they were pregnant I curled up in bed and cried. The only person who could truly feel my pain and who truly cared, was my mom. (Of course Jon hurt too, but women are designed so differently emotionally). I remember a time when someone announced they were pregnant, my mom was with me. We were suppose to go out together but I told her I suddenly felt tired and had a migraine. She knew I didn't. She knew I just wanted to go be in the privacy of my home and cry. Tears still come as I write this. Not because I am still sad, but because I remember the pain I felt each time there was a pregnancy announcement and the emptiness I felt.
Let me be clear. I wasn't mourning the loss of giving birth. I was mourning the loss of being a mom. For me personally it has never been about experiencing pregnancy, experiencing giving birth, breastfeeding and the whole newborn baby thing. You see the Lord prepared me for adoption many, many, many years ago. I can still remember being 16 talking about marriage and kids with two of my closest friends and I remember clear as day stating that I probably wouldn't be able to have biological kids and I'd probably adopt. Fast forward a few years laters in a humanties class I was in. We had to write a paper on a topic of our choosing that had two very opposing sides. While most students did papers about amusing topics such as, Pepsi versus Coke, I chose to do mine on the pros and cons of transracial adoption. Fast forward many years later and I am now a mom to two boys who come from very different cultures.
While most women get all caught up in the pregnancy stories and birth stories (which by the way I'm right in the middle of because any talk about babies/kids makes me happy), I am constantly on the look out for other adoptive families. For instance, at the foot doctor with Nathaniel a couple of weeks ago, I immediately noticed the pictures on the wall. My "adoption" radar was going off loud and clear. I was suddenly excited about this appointment and forgot about the $350 I was about to spend on plastic insoles for Nathaniel's shoes. We were so wrapped up in our stories, I'll be surprised if the casts she made of Nathaniel's feet are remotely accurate! When mom asked me about the appointment all I talked about was the doctor and her kids! "That's nice, but what about Nathaniel's feet?" Oh yeah...right!
At times I can feel out of place because I can't share birth stories. I was once asked how many hours of labour I was in for Nathaniel...(well...from Montreal to Vancouver to the Philippines)...it was a good 24+ hours! HA HA! Yes it can be awkward, but again I'm happy not being the norm.
While many moms are searching the blog world for blogs about newborn babies, breastfeeding versus bottle feeding etc... My list of blogs is full of adoptive families from all over Canada and the U.S. who have adopted children from all countries. These blogs excite me. I love to see how the Lord has brought these children home to wonderful families. In fact, if we go for it, our next son (Lord willing) will be named thanx to a blog I now follow!
I love my family. I love the cultures we represent. I love that there doesn't have to be any biological connection to call these boys my sons and I, their mama. I love that we are not the norm. But please don't overlook us...we are very much "pregnant" and very much expecting another child. It may take longer than 9 months and it may end in a miscarriage, but to us there is a child waiting to be "born" into our family and we can not wait to hold him/her in our arms.
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