T*M*I

T*M*I = Too Much Information

That is exactly what I got last week.  Unfortunately it's my own fault as I go searching for this information and then I regret it afterwards.

It all started with a post on an adoption Yahoo Group I'm a member of.  This group is specifically for adoptive families who have or are considering adopting a child from China with cleft lip/palate.  A desperate mom wrote in looking for advice concerning her son who was "driving her up the wall" .  He is a "cleft" adoptee.  Suddenly there was a string of replies describing each of their "cleft" children who demonstrated these same behaviors and then the words ADHD / ADD / AUTISM started to be thrown around.  Another similarity with each post was that most of the children were boys!  This is when a little, just a little, panic started to set in.  Is it fact that most boys born in China with cleft lip/palate demonstrate symptoms of ADHD / ADD / Autism?  I immediately started researching if there is any truth to this.

The faith part of me tells me that we will be blessed by ANY child the Lord has chosen for our family (if He even wants us to have another child).  The scared part of me says I'm unprepared to handle a child with ADHD / ADD / Autism.  I have 2 other boys to think about.  The prideful me says I'm strong and can handle anything.  The not so prideful me says NO you aren't strong enough.  The politically correct me says if I were to give birth to a child with any disorder or  illness, I would love them, care for them and do every thing in my power for them, right?

If you know me well, and we've had discussions about parenting, you know that I refuse to "label" children.  Especially adopted children.  I don't believe in the charts that say "by 2 years old my child should be doing this..."  Internationally adopted children have "catching up" to do and I'm pretty sensitive about that.  So after all those strings of negative posts, finally a mother wrote in and pretty much described how I feel.  These children are usually brought up in orphanages (or in other words an institution) which creates children who have been institutionalized.  They don't feel the same, they don't think the same as children who have been brought up in a loving family.  Nathaniel was in a very loving orphanage, and even though this is still not the best environment for any child, he never showed any signs of being institutionalized.  He was very stimulated, had lots of play time, his needs were met and he enjoyed many outings.  Fredrick was too young to have had any affects of institutionalism but if he had been left there longer I could see that he might have had issues.  I don't know what the orphanages are like in China.  I do know that children with physical "defects" are considered bad luck and are shunned by society.  These children probably don't get out much.  So these children come home under stimulated, under loved.  It will take time for these children to catch up.  Suddenly there was a new twist on the original post.  The child's behavior probably had nothing to do him being a cleft adoptee, but rather a child who spent the first 1.5 years of his life in an institution.  I'm not saying this makes it any easier knowing this, but it makes me hopeful that if our son/daughter portray these negative behaviors that the mom wrote about they can be overcome with the proper attention and care, without having to medicate or label the child. Does this make it less scary?  Absolutely not.  Does this mean that the child may not have any of these disorders?  Absolutely not.  Will we still love the child if they do have these symptoms/disorders?  ABSOLUTELY!

Tomorrow (January 03) Jon and I will be heading to our agency to FINALLY hand in our completed file.  We will wait to see what happens from here.  If you are a believer in prayer, please remember our family and that the Lord would give us the wisdom we need in the coming months.  I'm soooo looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!