Then And Now

Today is June 24, 2014.  Jack has been home with us for a whole 6 months...6 months...I can't believe how fast time has gone on.  When I read my earlier posts about starting this adoption process, I was so scared.  I was scared of the special needs our child would have.  I was scared of being rejected by our child.  I was scared of how having a third child would affect our family.  In all honesty I really had nothing to fear!  People might think I'm putting up a front, but I'm not.  Jack's "special need" really isn't a "special need".  Yes I have to go to a lot of dr. appointments, and yes Jack will have to have other surgeries and yes he may have some self-esteem issues which will break this mama's heart because I think he is perfect and beautiful BUT I am so very thankful my fear of a "special need" did not interfere with God's plan and His will for Jack to be apart of our family.  I am thankful my fear of attachment didn't stand in the way either.  Our attachment to Jack and Jack's attachment to us all happened quite seamlessly!  And our family dynamic only got better!  So much to be thankful for.

 

It hasn't been ALL bells and whistles.  Jack very much had his own routine, his own way of doing things and he still has quite a temper.  Initially he didn't like how this new woman, who called herself "mommy", did things.  But together we have worked through many of these differences.  It has always been my belief that with adoptions you have to let the child(ren) do things in their own time.  As parents we all have set ideas of how we want things done and with biological children you can start putting those ideas into play right from the beginning.  Children who have lived elsewhere, with a different upbringing, will not adapt to your way of doing things immediately...they need to be given time, guidance and encouragement. When social workers come for their visits, or when you make those first few visits to the doctor, or even reading articles etc... there are guidelines and expectations that are placed on adopted children and I personally, who have experienced it three times now, realize that kids need to figure things out.  Giving them the time they need to adjust only allows the attachment and bonding to grow that much stronger.

 

With Nathaniel he just kinda let us do our thing with him and Fredrick was so young he didn't really have a way of doing things yet.  Jack on the other hand was very set in his ways at the beginning and we have come a long way together.

 

THEN:  Jack would never let me feed him.  He absolutely had to feed himself.  This caused a lot of frustration for me.  He would get very messy and would make a big mess wherever we were.  Trying to help him eat would make him very angry and he'd start throwing food and utensils!

 

NOW:  Jack is fine with us helping him to eat if need be.  There is no more fighting and meal times are not so messy anymore!

 

THEN:  Jack would NOT lie down to have his diaper changed.  I assume this was done standing up at the orphanage.  I don't know.  But it was a regular struggle to get him to lie down.

 

NOW:  Jack is fine having his diaper changed lying down!  In fact he will let us know almost immediately if he needs to be changed.  I have a feeling potty training will come early and quickly with Jack!

 

THEN:  In China Jack would have nothing to do with the stroller.  He had to be in my arms or else I had to deal with a tantrum.  This caused some frustration for me since it killed my arms to carry him all the time.  Dad and I didn't do any of the scheduled outings because I knew he wouldn't stay in the stroller.

 

NOW:  Jack loves the stroller.  As soon as he sees it he is all giggles and jumps right in.  He does get antsy sitting in it if we go too far (unlike his brothers who would still take a ride in the stroller if I let them)

 

THEN:  Shortly after coming home, Jack's sleeping patterns changed.  He was no longer the sleep -through-the-night-until-7am child I had first met.  Once he figured out that if he cried we'd come get him, he took advantage.  I had a 2 year old but I was doing twice a night feedings.  It was hard but I accepted it.  This is what Jack needed.

 

NOW:  We are back to sleeping through the night.  No more wake up calls, although he is sleeping with mommy and daddy.  But we're ok with that.  We went through it with Nathaniel and we went through it with Fredrick, we're willing to give Jack the comfort he needs at this time in his life.

 

THEN:  When we first came home, Jack would go to pretty much anyone.  Everyone noted that he was definitely the more social of the 3 (having just come home).

 

NOW:  Jack is no longer friendly with everyone.  He only wants mommy or daddy.  It takes him a little while to warm up to people (even if he was super friendly with those people before).  Some people may take it personally, but I'm ok with Jack's new "stand-offish" personality.  It shows us that he is 100% attached to mommy and daddy and wants to feel "ok" before going to anyone else.

 

THEN:  Jack didn't laugh or smile a whole lot at the beginning.  In China he seemed so sad sometimes.  This of course was totally understandable given the circumstances.

 

NOW:  Jack loves to laugh.  He loves to make funny faces and show off his most adorable little dimple!  I no longer see sadness in his eyes.

THEN:  For the first few months Jack would get very angry with me if I tried to rub his back when he was crying/upset.  He would also hit several times when he wouldn't get his way.

NOW:  Jack no longer hits my hand away when I rub his back, in fact, it actually soothes him now.  And hitting is pretty much a thing of the past.  He still goes to hit Fredrick from time to time when he is really upset, but he never hits mommy or daddy.

It is so fun looking back at "how things were" to "how things are".  Jack amazes me with his ability to adapt to change.  He amazes me each and every day!

There are two things that have not changed:

1)  Jack always has to have his blankie with him.  He carries it around all day and snuggles with it when he sleeps.  It is his comfort when he is upset and when we are somewhere different.

2)  Jack almost always has a toy (or 2, or 3) in his hands.  It could be a car, train, plane, action figure etc..  He goes to bed with something in his hand, and wakes up with it in his hand!

Jack you are an amazing little 2 year old.  Mommy and daddy love you so much!  I say this often, because it's true, you have completed our family.  You were the missing puzzle piece.  You have only been our son for 6+ months but it feels like you've been with us forever.  Your sweet smile and that dimple of yours, melts mommy's heart!  We love you baby boy!