Unfortunately this post does not include an update. Why? Because I don't have one! Still waiting. Contrary to my post title...waiting is in fact the norm!
Before I begin putting my thoughts out there, I want to make sure that my friends and family who have given birth to very beautiful baby boys and girls, this is in no way to insult or offend you. I love you all and your children. These are thoughts and feelings that come from someone who has dealt with being childless, despite my desire to have children, and from someone who has been priviledged to adopt two of the most awesome boys on this earth.
Just recently my family was overlooked. We were overlooked because we are not the norm. When someone announces they are pregnant, that baby is real and in 9 months everyone will get to meet that baby. With our family, it's all paperwork, A LOT of waiting, and eventually, who-knows-when, our child becomes real. Until then we are often overlooked. I get it. I will admit, at that moment, it stung. And then I reminded myself, not everyone gets as excited about adoption as I do, and I just have to face it, we are not the norm. If you know anything about me you realize I have never been one to do something because everyone else is doing it. Sure this might mean I miss out on some fun times, but it has also saved me from becoming someone I don't want to be; I don't want to be like everyone else.
There was a time I cried - A LOT! Every time someone announced they were pregnant I curled up in bed and cried. The only person who could truly feel my pain and who truly cared, was my mom. (Of course Jon hurt too, but women are designed so differently emotionally). I remember a time when someone announced they were pregnant, my mom was with me. We were suppose to go out together but I told her I suddenly felt tired and had a migraine. She knew I didn't. She knew I just wanted to go be in the privacy of my home and cry. Tears still come as I write this. Not because I am still sad, but because I remember the pain I felt each time there was a pregnancy announcement and the emptiness I felt.
Let me be clear. I wasn't mourning the loss of giving birth. I was mourning the loss of being a mom. For me personally it has never been about experiencing pregnancy, experiencing giving birth, breastfeeding and the whole newborn baby thing. You see the Lord prepared me for adoption many, many, many years ago. I can still remember being 16 talking about marriage and kids with two of my closest friends and I remember clear as day stating that I probably wouldn't be able to have biological kids and I'd probably adopt. Fast forward a few years laters in a humanties class I was in. We had to write a paper on a topic of our choosing that had two very opposing sides. While most students did papers about amusing topics such as, Pepsi versus Coke, I chose to do mine on the pros and cons of transracial adoption. Fast forward many years later and I am now a mom to two boys who come from very different cultures.
While most women get all caught up in the pregnancy stories and birth stories (which by the way I'm right in the middle of because any talk about babies/kids makes me happy), I am constantly on the look out for other adoptive families. For instance, at the foot doctor with Nathaniel a couple of weeks ago, I immediately noticed the pictures on the wall. My "adoption" radar was going off loud and clear. I was suddenly excited about this appointment and forgot about the $350 I was about to spend on plastic insoles for Nathaniel's shoes. We were so wrapped up in our stories, I'll be surprised if the casts she made of Nathaniel's feet are remotely accurate! When mom asked me about the appointment all I talked about was the doctor and her kids! "That's nice, but what about Nathaniel's feet?" Oh yeah...right!
At times I can feel out of place because I can't share birth stories. I was once asked how many hours of labour I was in for Nathaniel...(well...from Montreal to Vancouver to the Philippines)...it was a good 24+ hours! HA HA! Yes it can be awkward, but again I'm happy not being the norm.
While many moms are searching the blog world for blogs about newborn babies, breastfeeding versus bottle feeding etc... My list of blogs is full of adoptive families from all over Canada and the U.S. who have adopted children from all countries. These blogs excite me. I love to see how the Lord has brought these children home to wonderful families. In fact, if we go for it, our next son (Lord willing) will be named thanx to a blog I now follow!
I love my family. I love the cultures we represent. I love that there doesn't have to be any biological connection to call these boys my sons and I, their mama. I love that we are not the norm. But please don't overlook us...we are very much "pregnant" and very much expecting another child. It may take longer than 9 months and it may end in a miscarriage, but to us there is a child waiting to be "born" into our family and we can not wait to hold him/her in our arms.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Connectedness
On our drive home from Plattsburg last Saturday, my mom and I were discussing adoption and how some children do not connect to their parents right away and on the flip side that some parents don't connect to their new son/daughter right away.
As moms and dads we fall in love with the pictures we receive of this child we have been longing for. And we have this dream about how amazing it is going to be to finally hold this child. Unfortunately, sometimes that wonderful dream turns into a nightmare as the moms and dads have a difficult time loving, attaching and bonding to this child. Or sometimes it takes a long time for the child to love, attach and bond to their parents. Both situations are terribly upsetting for those involved. I loved both my boys long before I received their pictures -- my love began to develop the moment we started each process. I shed many a tears, not only because the waiting was excruciating, but because my heart hurt from the amount of love that was stored up and sometimes my heart felt like it was going to explode if I didn't let it loose soon! I can't imagine what it would be like not to have a connection with my child, because in both my cases, I was in love from the time I received their picture and even after I held them in my arms for the first time.
Fredrick on the other hand...totally different story. During my conversation with mom last Saturday, she said one simple sentence that made me want to break out in tears; "the moment Fredrick laid eyes on you, he was connected to you!" I don't have any words to describe that connection, but I do have a picture that says it all...
As moms and dads we fall in love with the pictures we receive of this child we have been longing for. And we have this dream about how amazing it is going to be to finally hold this child. Unfortunately, sometimes that wonderful dream turns into a nightmare as the moms and dads have a difficult time loving, attaching and bonding to this child. Or sometimes it takes a long time for the child to love, attach and bond to their parents. Both situations are terribly upsetting for those involved. I loved both my boys long before I received their pictures -- my love began to develop the moment we started each process. I shed many a tears, not only because the waiting was excruciating, but because my heart hurt from the amount of love that was stored up and sometimes my heart felt like it was going to explode if I didn't let it loose soon! I can't imagine what it would be like not to have a connection with my child, because in both my cases, I was in love from the time I received their picture and even after I held them in my arms for the first time.
I did however experience the child not attaching/bonding to the parent right away. Nathaniel wanted nothing to do with me; he only wanted daddy. While in the Philippines, Jon and my mom would leave the hotel room for long periods of time in hopes that he would connect with me. And Jon would try to do every thing he could to get Nathaniel to want to stay with me. Nathaniel was even happier with my mom than with me. I kept reminding mom and Jon that I was ok with him not wanting me right now. I was willing to wait it out on his terms. These were Nathaniel's emotions and he had to sort them out without us pushing him.
Even back home, he did not like me! Going places without Jon was very stressful because he did not want to be with me. Our first Sunday at church, he wanted to sit with my mom. I will admit that that was hard. I think, but I don't recall, I shed a few tears about Nathaniel not liking me! A couple of months later I spent a Saturday night away from home, and when I returned home Sunday, Nathaniel was a-n-g-r-y with me! He wouldn't look at me, he screamed if I went near him etc... It was not a pretty scene. I do recall, without a doubt, that I cried about this and feeling like I had made the biggest mistake of my life being away overnight. Or did I? That Monday, Nathaniel and mommy finally clicked. The rest is history. I don't know what changed inside him, but I will always remember that Monday; the day Nathaniel and I started our mother/son relationship and it has only gotten stronger and stronger.
Fredrick on the other hand...totally different story. During my conversation with mom last Saturday, she said one simple sentence that made me want to break out in tears; "the moment Fredrick laid eyes on you, he was connected to you!" I don't have any words to describe that connection, but I do have a picture that says it all...
Both stories very different. I am so thankful that both have happy endings! Nathaniel and I have a bond that I will cherish forever. We have so much fun together and we can butt heads just as easily! We love to read books together and jump in the pool on a hot summers day. And even though it can be exhausting, I secretely LOVE that he always wants me to drive him to piano lessons and always wants mommy to put him to bed! Fredrick is mommy's baby and could spend all day just hanging out in my arms! I imagine Fredrick and I will eventually bond over computers and technology. In a few years I'll be turning to Fredrick to help me with all my computer problems and questions!
Now this brings me to adoption #3 (Lord willing). This child may or may not connect so easily as Fredrick. Hey, maybe I won't connect so easily either. This child may come home and need several surgeries right away. This could definitely determine if this child will feel the desire to attach/bond to Jon and I. This child might not really like us for having put him/her through painful surgeries. I may not respond to this child's special need the way they need me to and this may affect their feelings towards me! I just don't know. It is a fear for me that I don't attach to one of my children right away. I have read several blogs where this is the case and it just seems undoubtedly very painful. Guess I better start praying about this!!!
Connecting to someone is a tricky thing! I have read many emails from moms who have finally met their child and their child wants nothing to do with them and the moms are so distraught. If you are reading this and are experiencing that or are afraid that that will happen, please know you just have to give the child time. Time to figure out their feelings and their thoughts on this new situation they have found themselves in. Don't push the child, don't have great expectations, and don't make the child feel like they are doing something wrong. Be patient. Just let the child know you are there for them and just continue providing for their needs. That connection you've dreamed of may take some time, but when that connection happens, you'll realize it was well worth the wait!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
T*M*I
T*M*I = Too Much Information
That is exactly what I got last week. Unfortunately it's my own fault as I go searching for this information and then I regret it afterwards.
It all started with a post on an adoption Yahoo Group I'm a member of. This group is specifically for adoptive families who have or are considering adopting a child from China with cleft lip/palate. A desperate mom wrote in looking for advice concerning her son who was "driving her up the wall" . He is a "cleft" adoptee. Suddenly there was a string of replies describing each of their "cleft" children who demonstrated these same behaviors and then the words ADHD / ADD / AUTISM started to be thrown around. Another similarity with each post was that most of the children were boys! This is when a little, just a little, panic started to set in. Is it fact that most boys born in China with cleft lip/palate demonstrate symptoms of ADHD / ADD / Autism? I immediately started researching if there is any truth to this.
The faith part of me tells me that we will be blessed by ANY child the Lord has chosen for our family (if He even wants us to have another child). The scared part of me says I'm unprepared to handle a child with ADHD / ADD / Autism. I have 2 other boys to think about. The prideful me says I'm strong and can handle anything. The not so prideful me says NO you aren't strong enough. The politically correct me says if I were to give birth to a child with any disorder or illness, I would love them, care for them and do every thing in my power for them, right?
If you know me well, and we've had discussions about parenting, you know that I refuse to "label" children. Especially adopted children. I don't believe in the charts that say "by 2 years old my child should be doing this..." Internationally adopted children have "catching up" to do and I'm pretty sensitive about that. So after all those strings of negative posts, finally a mother wrote in and pretty much described how I feel. These children are usually brought up in orphanages (or in other words an institution) which creates children who have been institutionalized. They don't feel the same, they don't think the same as children who have been brought up in a loving family. Nathaniel was in a very loving orphanage, and even though this is still not the best environment for any child, he never showed any signs of being institutionalized. He was very stimulated, had lots of play time, his needs were met and he enjoyed many outings. Fredrick was too young to have had any affects of institutionalism but if he had been left there longer I could see that he might have had issues. I don't know what the orphanages are like in China. I do know that children with physical "defects" are considered bad luck and are shunned by society. These children probably don't get out much. So these children come home under stimulated, under loved. It will take time for these children to catch up. Suddenly there was a new twist on the original post. The child's behavior probably had nothing to do him being a cleft adoptee, but rather a child who spent the first 1.5 years of his life in an institution. I'm not saying this makes it any easier knowing this, but it makes me hopeful that if our son/daughter portray these negative behaviors that the mom wrote about they can be overcome with the proper attention and care, without having to medicate or label the child. Does this make it less scary? Absolutely not. Does this mean that the child may not have any of these disorders? Absolutely not. Will we still love the child if they do have these symptoms/disorders? ABSOLUTELY!
Tomorrow (January 03) Jon and I will be heading to our agency to FINALLY hand in our completed file. We will wait to see what happens from here. If you are a believer in prayer, please remember our family and that the Lord would give us the wisdom we need in the coming months. I'm soooo looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!
Tomorrow (January 03) Jon and I will be heading to our agency to FINALLY hand in our completed file. We will wait to see what happens from here. If you are a believer in prayer, please remember our family and that the Lord would give us the wisdom we need in the coming months. I'm soooo looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Update
Well since everyone wants to know, I thought I better give a quick update on our progress.
We had our last meeting with our social worker on November 21. It was just a "formality" as China requires 4 meetings. We were basically there to discuss special needs and parenting a "special needs" child but it ended up being more of a discussing our own personal issues meeting! Oh well, it's always nice to talk about our own quirks every so often especially to someone who actually looks like they are listening!
What I actually took from this last meeting...was...that whenever discussing adoption with professionals and you bring up an issue your adoptive child is having, or something they said, or how they reacted to a certain situation, it's always "possible this is an internal adoptee identity crisis" or "the child's way of mourning the loss they have suffered", yada yada yada. I have a hard time with this because children have their moments where they become particularly needy, clingy and react negatively to situations, whether adopted or biological. I refuse to declare that every time Nathaniel cries for mommy or daddy, or doesn't want to do something or becomes extra clingy that it's because he's dealing with some adoption-related issue. Because I am the person I am, and I like to reach out and learn from other adoptive families, I came home that night deciding to reach out to an adoptive mom who has 2 older adoptees. Her response was very comforting and confirmed how I feel. I can appreciate that the professionals are "extra sensitive" to how adoptees might be internalizing everything and I appreciate that it forces me to do more research which causes me to reach out to other adoptive families. I'm so blessed to have made those relationships and that we are all so willing to discuss our situations.
Anyways...
So we're now waiting for our final home study report. He said it would take approximately 10 days (which we've now passed) but I've learned to be patient...3rd time round I'd hope so. Once we have the final report in hand, I can put our file together and bring it to our agency for them to do "their thing". My goal is to have everything handed in before Jan 01. I haven't exactly started putting our file together because nothing is final until I have that home study in my hands. Once I hand it into our agency I have no idea what happens from there. China is so different than the other countries we have applied to. One step at a time is my motto!
So there it is folks...nothing exciting happening around here. Nathaniel is sick, so we're hanging out at home while everyone else is at church. We may just put up some Christmas decor to help me get into the swing of things. I've been listening to Christmas music, but it's not helping my spirits at all! Growing up Christmas decor / celebrations didn't start until AFTER my birthday (Dec 12), so maybe my mindset is still there! 10 more days and hopefully I'll be in the mood, at least for the sake of the kids!!!
Happy Sunday everyone!
We had our last meeting with our social worker on November 21. It was just a "formality" as China requires 4 meetings. We were basically there to discuss special needs and parenting a "special needs" child but it ended up being more of a discussing our own personal issues meeting! Oh well, it's always nice to talk about our own quirks every so often especially to someone who actually looks like they are listening!
What I actually took from this last meeting...was...that whenever discussing adoption with professionals and you bring up an issue your adoptive child is having, or something they said, or how they reacted to a certain situation, it's always "possible this is an internal adoptee identity crisis" or "the child's way of mourning the loss they have suffered", yada yada yada. I have a hard time with this because children have their moments where they become particularly needy, clingy and react negatively to situations, whether adopted or biological. I refuse to declare that every time Nathaniel cries for mommy or daddy, or doesn't want to do something or becomes extra clingy that it's because he's dealing with some adoption-related issue. Because I am the person I am, and I like to reach out and learn from other adoptive families, I came home that night deciding to reach out to an adoptive mom who has 2 older adoptees. Her response was very comforting and confirmed how I feel. I can appreciate that the professionals are "extra sensitive" to how adoptees might be internalizing everything and I appreciate that it forces me to do more research which causes me to reach out to other adoptive families. I'm so blessed to have made those relationships and that we are all so willing to discuss our situations.
Anyways...
So we're now waiting for our final home study report. He said it would take approximately 10 days (which we've now passed) but I've learned to be patient...3rd time round I'd hope so. Once we have the final report in hand, I can put our file together and bring it to our agency for them to do "their thing". My goal is to have everything handed in before Jan 01. I haven't exactly started putting our file together because nothing is final until I have that home study in my hands. Once I hand it into our agency I have no idea what happens from there. China is so different than the other countries we have applied to. One step at a time is my motto!
So there it is folks...nothing exciting happening around here. Nathaniel is sick, so we're hanging out at home while everyone else is at church. We may just put up some Christmas decor to help me get into the swing of things. I've been listening to Christmas music, but it's not helping my spirits at all! Growing up Christmas decor / celebrations didn't start until AFTER my birthday (Dec 12), so maybe my mindset is still there! 10 more days and hopefully I'll be in the mood, at least for the sake of the kids!!!
Happy Sunday everyone!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
He Knew...
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
This is a verse Nathaniel and I have been reading from his very new, very own big boy Bible that Jon and I bought for him a couple of weeks ago. I would ask him if he understood what the verse meant and then we would go over it. I also asked him if he knew what the difference between Heaven and hell was. Of course hell is that really, really hot place that no one wants to go to. So he said he wanted to go to Heaven. We ended that discussion on Wednesday and on Thursday night before we started our prayer time, Nathaniel claimed, "Mommy I want to say a prayer and ask Jesus to live in my heart." And there we have it folks, the newest member in God's family!
Friday night when Jon came home from his business trip, Nathaniel told him the good news. We wanted to make sure Nathaniel really knew what his decision meant and he explained everything to us. WOW! Then as Jon and Nathaniel left for piano lessons, I heard Nathaniel ask his daddy, "Daddy can we talk about Jesus in the car?"
I've been wanting to share the good news with everyone, but I wanted to make sure Nathaniel told a couple of people before shouting it from the roof tops (or from Facebook) and now he has so I can tell everyone I know! There was no coaxing, no guilt trips and no pressuring. This was the genuine decision of a beautiful 6 year old little boy. All we did was read to him, and talk to him. God worked all the rest out.
After church today, I was alone in the car, and it hit me..He knew. The Lord knew long before this little boy was even born that one day there would be a child who would need a home and who would also want Jesus to live in his heart and so he would need a family to encourage that desire. He knew that this child would be named Nathaniel. He knew this child would be born in the Philippines. He knew this child would spend the first 26 months of his life without a mommy and daddy. He knew that this child would be chosen for our family. And He knew that on Thursday, October 25, 2012, this 6 year old boy named Nathaniel would ask for forgiveness, acknowledge that Christ died on the cross for his sins, and then ask Jesus to live in his heart. He knew that this child would need a a loving family and loving church family to guide him and teach him the ways of the Lord.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13
He knows. The Lord knows our life story before it is even played out. He knows our strengths and our weakness'. He knows where we will succeed and where we will fail. I am so thankful that He knew Nathaniel would make this decision and that He gave me the honor to be there when Nathaniel said his simple yet most meaningful prayer ever! It is a moment I will never forget and I can not wait to see the changes in Nathaniel and how this will affect the rest of his life...I don't know...but HE KNOWS!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Hiccup(s)!
"For the revelation awaits an appointed time: it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.' Habakkuk 2:3
This is a verse someone shared with me when we were waiting for Nathaniel and I have never forgotten it. It was shared with me on one of those difficult days when it felt like we were never going to get approved from the Philippines. This feeling of desperation is not uncommon when it comes to adoption...
With each adoption we've had hiccups. Without going into too much detail, when we started wayyyyy back in 2004, we were put on hold for 18 months. We began the process again 18 months, TO THE DAY. Things went relatively smoothly from that point on, other than waiting several months for our approval from the Philippines. Once we were on that list my desperation and insecurities subsided. Then a little over 1 year after being home with Nathaniel, we started yet another adoption process, assuming the Lord would bless us with another child from the Philippines. Our file was put together very smoothly and we waited for our approval from the Philippines. Hiccup. The Philippines denied our application. Once again feelings of desperation started to stir up. What were we going to do? The Lord eventually led us to Vietnam, and that process went very smoothly. Now for the third process, it couldn't possibly go smoothly, right?
We didn't "assume" which country we were to go to. We researched, waited and prayed and felt the Lord leading us to China. So we have put our file together, it took awhile, but it finally got to Batshaw. We met with the rep at Batshaw on Thursday to sign our contract. We were shocked by what the rep told us. On Jon's medical form there is a question to the affect, "Do you think his/her marriage is sound to apply for an adoption?" Jon's moronic doctor answered this question with a 'NO'...Are you kidding me? Of course it's kind of our (Jon's :-) ) fault as we never picked up on it before handing in our file. This doctor, as most doctors, doesn't know a thing about our marriage. Even if there was something to be concerned about, he wouldn't have a clue. So now the social worker has to 'investigate' further. HICCUP! I was laughing on Thursday when we left Batshaw, but when the social worker phoned that evening I was almost in tears.
Mom says that this is just the Lord's way of prolonging the process so that the child He has chosen will be good and ready for us, in His time. I will hold on to that theory good and tight. As I think about this hiccup over and over, the verse above keeps ringing in my head. We must wait for it and it will certainly come and will not delay. Whatever 'it' is, another adoption or something else, we will wait upon the Lord...
Lord,
We pray that You will lead us in the direction we are to go. We pray that this hiccup is all apart of Your plan for our family. We commit the process to You and that the social worker would receive the answers he needs from the doctor and that this can all get straightened out. We wait for Your answers.
Amen
This is a verse someone shared with me when we were waiting for Nathaniel and I have never forgotten it. It was shared with me on one of those difficult days when it felt like we were never going to get approved from the Philippines. This feeling of desperation is not uncommon when it comes to adoption...
With each adoption we've had hiccups. Without going into too much detail, when we started wayyyyy back in 2004, we were put on hold for 18 months. We began the process again 18 months, TO THE DAY. Things went relatively smoothly from that point on, other than waiting several months for our approval from the Philippines. Once we were on that list my desperation and insecurities subsided. Then a little over 1 year after being home with Nathaniel, we started yet another adoption process, assuming the Lord would bless us with another child from the Philippines. Our file was put together very smoothly and we waited for our approval from the Philippines. Hiccup. The Philippines denied our application. Once again feelings of desperation started to stir up. What were we going to do? The Lord eventually led us to Vietnam, and that process went very smoothly. Now for the third process, it couldn't possibly go smoothly, right?
We didn't "assume" which country we were to go to. We researched, waited and prayed and felt the Lord leading us to China. So we have put our file together, it took awhile, but it finally got to Batshaw. We met with the rep at Batshaw on Thursday to sign our contract. We were shocked by what the rep told us. On Jon's medical form there is a question to the affect, "Do you think his/her marriage is sound to apply for an adoption?" Jon's moronic doctor answered this question with a 'NO'...Are you kidding me? Of course it's kind of our (Jon's :-) ) fault as we never picked up on it before handing in our file. This doctor, as most doctors, doesn't know a thing about our marriage. Even if there was something to be concerned about, he wouldn't have a clue. So now the social worker has to 'investigate' further. HICCUP! I was laughing on Thursday when we left Batshaw, but when the social worker phoned that evening I was almost in tears.
Mom says that this is just the Lord's way of prolonging the process so that the child He has chosen will be good and ready for us, in His time. I will hold on to that theory good and tight. As I think about this hiccup over and over, the verse above keeps ringing in my head. We must wait for it and it will certainly come and will not delay. Whatever 'it' is, another adoption or something else, we will wait upon the Lord...
Lord,
We pray that You will lead us in the direction we are to go. We pray that this hiccup is all apart of Your plan for our family. We commit the process to You and that the social worker would receive the answers he needs from the doctor and that this can all get straightened out. We wait for Your answers.
Amen
Sunday, October 14, 2012
No News...Is Well...No News!
During our wait for an acceptance from the Philippines, our agency would always say, "No news is good news!"...No news meant the authorities in the Philippines had not rejected our file. I've been terrible updating this blog, but again I have nothing to update you on! In this case, no news, is well..no news! It has taken us forever to get our file to the local youth and family services (Batshaw) and once we finally did there were some documents missing (not from our end since by now I could prepare all the paper work with my eyes closed). I think everything has finally been completed and we should be getting a call this coming week (maybe) to set up an appointment to sign our contract with Batshaw and then we can finally get things set up with our social worker.
We are praying for the same social worker we've had for the last 3 homestudies (yes I know we only have 2 children but the last one required an original homestudy and then a revised edition!). He knows our story inside and out, he has our homestudy saved and since pretty much the only thing that has changed is Fredrick joining our family, it should be quite a fast write-up! The benefit of having the same social worker is he really "knows" us. He knows how passionate we are about adoption, what a stable family we are (or at least we think we are HA), and how much we want each of our children. We don't have to "rehash" all of our feelings, intentions and life stories. He is an awesome social worker and we (well Jon) feel pretty relaxed around him. On top of all this, the less time he has to spend writing a homestudy report, the less it will cost us. For Fredrick's report it was already that much less than Nathaniel's so here's hoping this one will be even that much less! In the adoption world the least amount of pennies spent, the better!
So one of the most common questions I get when people find out we're trying for a third adoption is, "Do you really have to do everything again? All the same paperwork?" The answer, my friends, is yes! The same medicals, the same reference forms, the same personal information forms and yes another homestudy! These are all set in place when you start an adoption process. As annoying as it all is, I can understand that it is there to protect the children so I accept it and just get it all done!
I have many fears that we will be rejected for this adoption. Keep in mind I was voted school pessimist in high school! But then I look at pictures of our family of 4 and I get this overwhelming feeling that there is someone missing. Another little boy (or girl if the Lord deems that necessary). I also get these amazing visions of travelling to China to meet our son (daughter) and then I get excited but then I come back to reality and I don't want to play with my emotions. I also tell myself daily that I can't possibly deal with 3 kids anyway. But I know that isn't true. The Lord will not give me more than I can handle. So if He has chosen another child for this family, then with His strength and by His grace, I can do it!!!
"then Job replied to the Lord: I know that YOU can do all things; no plans of YOURS can be thwarted." Job 42:1-2
We are praying for the same social worker we've had for the last 3 homestudies (yes I know we only have 2 children but the last one required an original homestudy and then a revised edition!). He knows our story inside and out, he has our homestudy saved and since pretty much the only thing that has changed is Fredrick joining our family, it should be quite a fast write-up! The benefit of having the same social worker is he really "knows" us. He knows how passionate we are about adoption, what a stable family we are (or at least we think we are HA), and how much we want each of our children. We don't have to "rehash" all of our feelings, intentions and life stories. He is an awesome social worker and we (well Jon) feel pretty relaxed around him. On top of all this, the less time he has to spend writing a homestudy report, the less it will cost us. For Fredrick's report it was already that much less than Nathaniel's so here's hoping this one will be even that much less! In the adoption world the least amount of pennies spent, the better!
So one of the most common questions I get when people find out we're trying for a third adoption is, "Do you really have to do everything again? All the same paperwork?" The answer, my friends, is yes! The same medicals, the same reference forms, the same personal information forms and yes another homestudy! These are all set in place when you start an adoption process. As annoying as it all is, I can understand that it is there to protect the children so I accept it and just get it all done!
I have many fears that we will be rejected for this adoption. Keep in mind I was voted school pessimist in high school! But then I look at pictures of our family of 4 and I get this overwhelming feeling that there is someone missing. Another little boy (or girl if the Lord deems that necessary). I also get these amazing visions of travelling to China to meet our son (daughter) and then I get excited but then I come back to reality and I don't want to play with my emotions. I also tell myself daily that I can't possibly deal with 3 kids anyway. But I know that isn't true. The Lord will not give me more than I can handle. So if He has chosen another child for this family, then with His strength and by His grace, I can do it!!!
"then Job replied to the Lord: I know that YOU can do all things; no plans of YOURS can be thwarted." Job 42:1-2
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