Update

Well since everyone wants to know, I thought I better give a quick update on our progress.

We had our last meeting with our social worker on November 21.  It was just a "formality" as China requires 4 meetings.  We were basically there to discuss special needs and parenting a "special needs" child but it ended up being more of a discussing our own personal issues meeting!  Oh well, it's always nice to talk about our own quirks every so often especially to someone who actually looks like they are listening!

What I actually took from this last meeting...was...that whenever discussing adoption with professionals and you bring up an issue your adoptive child is having, or something they said, or how they reacted to a certain situation, it's always "possible this is an internal adoptee identity crisis" or "the child's way of mourning the loss they have suffered", yada yada yada.  I have a hard time with this because children have their moments where they become particularly needy, clingy and react negatively to situations, whether adopted or biological.  I refuse to declare that every time Nathaniel cries for mommy or daddy, or doesn't want to do something or becomes extra clingy that it's because he's dealing with some adoption-related issue.  Because I am the person I am, and I like to reach out and learn from other adoptive families, I came home that night deciding to reach out to an adoptive mom who has 2 older adoptees.  Her response was very comforting and confirmed how I feel.  I can appreciate that the professionals are "extra sensitive" to how adoptees might be internalizing everything and I appreciate that it forces me to do more research which causes me to reach out to other adoptive families.  I'm so blessed to have made those relationships and that we are all so willing to discuss our situations. 

Anyways...

So we're now waiting for our final home study report.  He said it would take approximately 10 days (which we've now passed) but I've learned to be patient...3rd time round I'd hope so.  Once we have the final report in hand, I can put our file together and bring it to our agency for them to do "their thing".  My goal is to have everything handed in before Jan 01.  I haven't exactly started putting our file together because nothing is final until I have that home study in my hands.  Once I hand it into our agency I have no idea what happens from there.  China is so different than the other countries we have applied to.  One step at a time is my motto!

So there it is folks...nothing exciting happening around here.  Nathaniel is sick, so we're hanging out at home while everyone else is at church.  We may just put up some Christmas decor to help me get into the swing of things.  I've been listening to Christmas music, but it's not helping my spirits at all!  Growing up Christmas decor / celebrations didn't start until AFTER my birthday (Dec 12), so maybe my mindset is still there!  10 more days and hopefully I'll be in the mood, at least for the sake of the kids!!!

Happy Sunday everyone!

He Knew...

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

This is a verse Nathaniel and I have been reading from his very new, very own big boy Bible that Jon and I bought for him a couple of weeks ago.  I would ask him if he understood what the verse meant and then we would go over it.  I also asked him if he knew what the difference between Heaven and hell was.  Of course hell is that really, really hot place that no one wants to go to.  So he said he wanted to go to Heaven.  We ended that discussion on Wednesday and on Thursday night before we started our prayer time, Nathaniel claimed, "Mommy I want to say a prayer and ask Jesus to live in my heart."  And there we have it folks, the newest member in God's family!

Friday night when Jon came home from his business trip, Nathaniel told him the good news.  We wanted to make sure Nathaniel really knew what his decision meant and he explained everything to us.  WOW!  Then as Jon and Nathaniel left for piano lessons, I heard Nathaniel ask his daddy, "Daddy can we talk about Jesus in the car?"

I've been wanting to share the good news with everyone, but I wanted to make sure Nathaniel told a couple of people before shouting it from the roof tops (or from Facebook) and now he has so I can tell everyone I know!  There was no coaxing, no guilt trips and no pressuring.  This was the genuine decision of a beautiful 6 year old little boy.  All we did was read to him, and talk to him.  God worked all the rest out.

After church today, I was alone in the car, and it hit me..He knew.  The Lord knew long before this little boy was even born that one day there would be a child who would need a home and who would also want Jesus to live in his heart and so he would need a family to encourage that desire.  He knew that this child would be named Nathaniel. He knew this child would be born in the Philippines.  He knew this child would spend the first 26 months of his life without a mommy and daddy.  He knew that this child would be chosen for our family.  And He knew that on Thursday, October 25, 2012, this 6 year old boy named Nathaniel would ask for forgiveness, acknowledge that Christ died on the cross for his sins, and then ask Jesus to live in his heart.  He knew that this child would need a a loving family and loving church family to guide him and teach him the ways of the Lord.

 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb."  Psalm 139:13

He knows.  The Lord knows our life story before it is even played out.  He knows our strengths and our weakness'.  He knows where we will succeed and where we will fail.  I am so thankful that He knew Nathaniel would make this decision and that He gave me the honor to be there when Nathaniel said his simple yet most meaningful prayer ever!  It is a moment I will never forget and I can not wait to see the changes in Nathaniel and how this will affect the rest of his life...I don't know...but HE KNOWS!

 

Hiccup(s)!

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time: it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.'  Habakkuk 2:3

This is a verse someone shared with me when we were waiting for Nathaniel and I have never forgotten it.  It was shared with me on one of those difficult days when it felt like we were never going to get approved from the Philippines.  This feeling of desperation is not uncommon when it comes to adoption...

With each adoption we've had hiccups.  Without going into too much detail, when we started wayyyyy back in 2004, we were put on hold for 18 months.  We began the process again 18 months, TO THE DAY.  Things went relatively smoothly from that point on, other than waiting several months for our approval from the Philippines.  Once we were on that list my desperation and insecurities subsided.  Then a little over 1 year after being home with Nathaniel, we started yet another adoption process, assuming the Lord would bless us with another child from the Philippines.  Our file was put together very smoothly and we waited for our approval from the Philippines.  Hiccup.  The Philippines denied our application.  Once again feelings of desperation started to stir up.  What were we going to do?  The Lord eventually led us to Vietnam, and that process went very smoothly.  Now for the third process, it couldn't possibly go smoothly, right?

We didn't "assume" which country we were to go to.  We researched, waited and prayed and felt the Lord leading us to China.  So we have put our file together, it took awhile, but it finally got to Batshaw.  We met with the rep at Batshaw on Thursday to sign our contract.  We were shocked by what the rep told us.  On Jon's medical form there is a question to the affect, "Do you think his/her marriage is sound to apply for an adoption?"  Jon's moronic doctor answered this question with a 'NO'...Are you kidding me?  Of course it's kind of our (Jon's :-) ) fault as we never picked up on it before handing in our file.  This doctor, as most doctors, doesn't know a thing about our marriage.  Even if there was something to be concerned about, he wouldn't have a clue.  So now the social worker has to 'investigate' further.  HICCUP!  I was laughing on Thursday when we left Batshaw, but when the social worker phoned that evening I was almost in tears. 

Mom says that this is just the Lord's way of prolonging the process so that the child He has chosen will be good and ready for us, in His time.  I will hold on to that theory good and tight.  As I think about this hiccup over and over, the verse above keeps ringing in my head.  We must wait for it and it will certainly come and will not delay.  Whatever 'it' is, another adoption or something else, we will wait upon the Lord...

Lord,

We pray that You will lead us in the direction we are to go.  We pray that this hiccup is all apart of Your plan for our family.  We commit the process to You and that the social worker would receive the answers he needs from the doctor and that this can all get straightened out. We wait for Your answers.

Amen

No News...Is Well...No News!

During our wait for an acceptance from the Philippines, our agency would always say, "No news is good news!"...No news meant the authorities in the Philippines had not rejected our file.  I've been terrible updating this blog, but again I have nothing to update you on!  In this case, no news, is well..no news!  It has taken us forever to get our file to the local youth and family services (Batshaw) and once we finally did there were some documents missing (not from our end since by now I could prepare all the paper work with my eyes closed).  I think everything has finally been completed and we should be getting a call this coming week (maybe) to set up an appointment to sign our contract with Batshaw and then we can finally get things set up with our social worker.

We are praying for the same social worker we've had for the last 3 homestudies (yes I know we only have 2 children but the last one required an original homestudy and then a revised edition!).  He knows our story inside and out, he has our homestudy saved and since pretty much the only thing that has changed is Fredrick joining our family, it should be quite a fast write-up!  The benefit of having the same social worker is he really "knows" us.  He knows how passionate we are about adoption, what a stable family we are (or at least we think we are HA), and how much we want each of our children.  We don't have to "rehash" all of our feelings, intentions and life stories.  He is an awesome social worker and we (well Jon) feel pretty relaxed around him.  On top of all this, the less time he has to spend writing a homestudy report, the less it will cost us.  For Fredrick's report it was already that much less than Nathaniel's so here's hoping this one will be even that much less! In the adoption world the least amount of pennies spent, the better!

So one of the most common questions I get when people find out we're trying for a third adoption is, "Do you really have to do everything again?  All the same paperwork?"  The answer, my friends, is yes!  The same medicals, the same reference forms, the same personal information forms and yes another homestudy!  These are all set in place when you start an adoption process.  As annoying as it all is, I can understand that it is there to protect the children so I accept it and just get it all done!

I have many fears that we will be rejected for this adoption.  Keep in mind I was voted school pessimist in high school!  But then I look at pictures of our family of 4 and I get this overwhelming feeling that there is someone missing.  Another little boy (or girl if the Lord deems that necessary).  I also get these amazing visions of travelling to China to meet our son (daughter) and then I get excited but then I come back to reality and I don't want to play with my emotions.  I also tell myself daily that I can't possibly deal with 3 kids anyway.  But I know that isn't true.  The Lord will not give me more than I can handle.  So if He has chosen another child for this family, then with His strength and by His grace, I can do it!!!

"then Job replied to the Lord:  I know that YOU can do all things; no plans of YOURS can be thwarted."  Job 42:1-2 

Discouraged...Encouraged...

Well, I've been "busy" getting forms filled out for our Youth and Family Services (Batshaw).  Once I hand all those in, we can get our homestudy completed.  It has been quite discouraging getting all the forms filled out.  They surprised us with a financial statement they want us to get completed by our bank.  We never had this before and I'm not understanding why now.  My guess is this is a third adoption and they want to make sure we can afford 3 children.

Our bank will not sign the form.  They will not make a claim that we are financially sound to raise a child.  URGH!  I contacted Batshaw and they said it was no problem.  All they really needed was a letter stating we pay our bills on time.  GREAT!  I try to contact the bank manager, with no response.  URGH!  Finally after several phone calls, he phoned me back yesterday that the bank would write a letter for both Jon and I that our accounts are in good standing order.  GREAT!  And that there is usually a $10 fee per letter, but the bank would pay that cost in support of us.  GREAT!

Jon still has to go see a doctor to get a requisition for blood work, get the blood work done, then get the Dr. to complete (2) medical forms.  He is so busy at work and has had to take some time off because he pulled a muscle in his neck, I just don't know when this is going to happen.  Medicals are the worst!  I got mine filled out yesterday since I had had blood work done a couple of months ago, my Dr. was able to complete it withing minutes!

I`ve just been feeling discouraged that I almost told Jon this past weekend, I didn't want to do this anymore.  What if this isn't the Lord's will and this is our cue to stop here?  But then these thoughts pop in my mind, "If this is really the Lord's will, I surely don't want us to miss out on such a blessing!"; "If this is really the Lord's will, this is satan just trying to mess around with me...and I don't want to give him the pleasure of seeing us miss out on such a blessing!"

So I will treck on getting everything put together.  I'm not expecting it to all get done quickly...I don't feel the time restriction as I did the last 2 times.  It's kind of hard to explain but the last 2 adoptions were a way of "completing" our family.  This time it's more, "we are called to care for the orphans" and if the Lord has another child for our family then we are super excited to meet this child and love him (her) to pieces.  My heart is already full.  BUT if this is not the right timing or if this is it for our family then my heart will be hurt but I still have my 2 boys who I adore and a third child just wasn't meant to be.  I am confident that the Lord will work everything out for HIS good!

Here We Go Again...

When I think about us adopting for the THIRD time, the movie "The gods Must be Crazy" comes to mind...only replace "The gods" with "The deSouzas"!  What are we thinking?  What AM I thinking?  I'm the one who does almost all the paper work, I will be the one doing all the packing, I will be the one travelling (I'll get to that later) and I'll be the stay-at-home mom of THREE kids!  But hubby and I believe that we are meant to adopt once again internationally.  We believe the Lord has called us to do so.  I have been waiting {im}patiently for hubby to be on board with me.  A lot of praying has gone into it as well.  I NEVER wanted it to me pushing the topic/decision.  I wanted hubby to want it as well.  My heart was aching each and every day.  I wanted so badly to call our agency and say, "Send us the contract.  We're ready."  Suddenly, one evening, hubby turned to me and asked, "So when are we starting #3?"  I played it cool as if I didn't know what he was talking about (YEAH RIGHT!).  The rest is history.  The contract has been signed and the first cheque signed!

So after looking into our options we have decided that the China Special Needs program is where the Lord is leading us.  There are several reasons for this.  I absolutely love our adoption agency and wouldn't want to go with any other organization.  They are like family and they really give the guidance and support that is needed.  Another reason, is that for China only one parent is required to travel, and it's "only" a 2-week stay.  Jon really doesn't want to travel again.  We aren't the travelling type, unless it's to somewhere in the USA, where home is not too far off.  Since I'm more willing to travel and wouldn't consider any other possibility, because I must be there to hold my child for the first time, there was no question I'd be the one to travel, while Jon stays home with the boys.  My mom has said she is willing to travel with me and possibly my dad since he missed out on the last 2 adoption travel experiences.

The most important reason we feel we are being led to China is we decided that we were very much open to go through the Special Needs program.  While in Vietnam we witnessed so many precious children with special needs that were in desperate need of a family.  I knew there was a reason the Lord brought us to Vietnam, but I didn't realize what that reason was.  I will always remember the first day we spent at the Red Cross orphanage.  There was the most precious baby girl.  We couldn't keep our eyes off her.  Mom ran to her when she cried, just to hold her.  Her special need?  She has a cleft lip (& palate -- I'm not sure).  I fell in love with her and wished I could bring her home with us.  Unfortunately we could not, but fortunately another family from Quebec did.  I now get to see this beautiful little girl grow up through her mom's blog.  This sweet baby girl had the biggest impact on our family.  Mom felt called to sponsor an organization that performs surgeries on children with cleft lip and palate and Jon and I will probably be adopting a boy with this "special need".  I don't even consider this a special need...it's a birth defect that is correctable and the child will grow up healthy and loved.  Yes he(she) will need surgeries, but we're not going to turn away one of God's children simply because he/she needs surgeries, dental work, speech therapy and whatever else they may need. 

Psalm 127:3 -- "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him."  This verse doesn't say "only healthy, perfect children" are a reward from the Lord.  ALL children are a reward from Him.  We want to go where the Lord leads us.  We want to embrace any child the Lord rewards us with.

And NO our main reason for choosing China is not because we want a girl.  Most families want to adopt girls, so we'll take the boys.  I love being a "boymom" and adding 1 more boy would be a blessing to me and to our family.

Please join us as we begin our journey to CHINA.  When our family comes to mind, please say a prayer that we would be in the Lord's will and not our own and that all the finances required would be available.  We are taking a leap of faith and we know if the this is the Lord's will, He will provide to the last penny.